The Nutcracker in 3D - 2009

The Nutcracker in 3D - 2009Join David, Ian, and Dylan for their review of a movie that dared to wonder, "What if we did the Nutcracker. But, and hear me out here, this is a no-bad-idea space, how about we ruin it. Like, big time. No half measures." That's right, we watched 2009's "The Nutcracker in 3D" otherwise known as "The Nutcracker: The Untold Story" to people who read the title as it appears on the screen. It stars Elle Fanning, Nathan Lane, Frances de la Tour, John Turturro, Richard E. Grant, Julia Vysotskaya, and Aaron Michael Drozin.

I'm serious, though, the title of the movie on most posters reads: "The Nutcracker in 3D", but in the movie itself it's only ever called "The Nutcracker: The Untold Story". Mercifully we did not watch the movie in 3D, just good old fashion 2D for us. Although I totally would have forced us to watch it in 3D if we had a 3D ready projector.

It was actually nominated, in the 31st Golden Raspberry Awards, for "Worst Eye Gouging Misuse of 3D" which it lost to M. Night Shyamalan's "The Last Airbender", so I suppose it was a tough year for the category. Too many heavy hitters. At least a worthy movie won, and that's all we can ask for.

See you next week.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians - 1964

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians - 1964Join David, Ian, and Dylan for their review of a movie that has touched so many people over the years, just not in the form that we bothered watching it. No riffs for us when we watched  1964's Santa Claus Conquers the Martians! Which stars John Call, Leonard Hicks, Vincent Beck, Bill McCutcheon, Victor Stiles, Donna Conforti, Chris Month, Pia Zadora, and Leila Martin. Of course "stars" is a misnomer because there are absolutely no stand-outs in this cast. I guess that closest you could get to a standout is Dropo, played by Bill McCutcheon, but "loud and annoying" rarely crosses over with "good".

There are only four people in the entire cast that have Wikipedia articles (because that's somehow a measure of worth). Ironically, the only one with any real on-screen success was good old Dropo. He played Uncle Wally on Sesame Street from 1984 - 1992.

I suppose it's okay that we didn't watch the MST3K version cause, while it is a Christmas tradition for Ian and Dylan, David really doesn't like MST3K. It's just not his thing.

See you next week.

Bad Santa 2 - 2016

Bad Santa 2 - 2016Join David, Ian, and Dylan for their review of a film that probably should never have been made in the first place, at the very least just to save the production company from the loss it cost them. Yes, we watched 2016's Bad Santa 2, which stars Billy Bob Thornton, Tony Cox, Brett Kelly, Kathy Bates, and Christina Hendricks.

However, unlike the last movie we watched, I can pretty confidently say that the word "stars" is not a misnomer. If you strip away the crude humor and general lack of morality and really look at the film, I think you'll find that there's some very fine acting going on underneath all of that filth. Especially on Kathy Bates' part. That woman is a treasure for the ages, and no one can take that away from her. No one.

But, yeah, that doesn't really change the fact that this film only made a third of the money that it's predecessor did. It made a lot more money than many of the movies we've watched over the last two years, but that's not really a solid argument for having made it in the first place. You should probably just decide for yourself.

See you next week.

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