Season 3 - Back to Normal?

back to normal times / pennies for insanity / the song of worlds ends

Rage (2014) - September 30, 2016

-Starring: Nicolas Cage-

Our first episode of Season 3, and our return to a normal Timeline, is a Nick Cage movie that we've never seen before, 2014's action-crime-thriller: Rage, which isn't really that surprising since he seems to go for quantity over quality most of the time. Although we did almost watch it once, it's just that the wi-fi got knocked out so we only got to see the first ten minutes or so. Well, that's all going to change. Being that none of us have ever seen it, I'm going to say that I have no right to tell you to buy the movie, but you can do that here anyway.

Reached by virtue of following Nick Cage from Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Rage (2003)

Metascore

28

UNRATED

-Presenters-

David, Brett, Ian, and Dylan

-Budget-

$25 Million

-Gross-

$457,824... wow

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Dirty Grandpa (2016) - October 7, 2016

-Starring: Robert De Niro and Zac Efron-

For the second episode of Season 3 we watched the 2016 roadtrip comedy that tries really hard to elicit any kind of laugh from the audience, yet fails every time: Dirty Grandpa with Robert De Niro and Zac Efron. We had all forgotten how perilous the regular seasons were, without a theme and list of movies, we might end up watching any old crap. It's legitimately frightening. This movie proves that the fear is well placed. At least we still had Pam, and for that we will always be grateful. If you also want to bask in the glory of Pam, buy it here.

Reached by virtue of following Danny Glover from Rage

Dirty Grandpa (2016)

Metascore

18

Crude sexual content throughout

Graphic nudity

Language

Drug use

-Presenters-

David, Brett, Ian, and Dylan

-Budget-

$11.5 Million

(estimate)

-Gross-

$94,073,028

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Search Party (2014) - October 14, 2016

-Starring: Adam Pally, T. J. Miller, and Thomas Middleditch-

For the third episode of Season 3, we watch the 2014/2016 mess known as Search Party. From what I can tell, it came out in a few places in 2014, then in the United States in 2016, and that's just about all I know about this movie, which is pretty rare. I also know that, for whatever reason, this movie has a lot of named actors in it. which seems to be the case with a lot of bad movies. They try to fix them by throwing sheer numbers of actors that people may want to see into it. If that catches your fancy, you can buy it here.

Reached by virtue of following Jason Mantzoukas from Dirty Grandpa

Search Party (2016)

Metascore

22

Language

throughout

Drug use

Graphic nudity Sexual content

-Presenters-

David, Ian, and Dylan

-Budget-

$20 Million

-Gross-

$117,295

(I think...)

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Vamps (2012) - October 21, 2016

-Starring: Alicia Silverstone, Krysten Ritter, and Sigourney Weaver-

For the fourth episode of Season 3, we continue our unintentional two-year time jumps and watch the 2012 horror-comedy-drama Vamps starring Alicia Silverstone and Krysten Ritter. All any of us know about his movie comes from David's short explanation in the last episode: It stars the previously mentioned actresses as vampires and it might have a Van Helsing in it. In other words, we don't even know enough about this movie to make a good joke yet. So, if Twilight didn't do it for you, maybe buy this.

Reached by virtue of following Krysten Ritter from Search Party

Vamps (2012)

Metascore

57

Violent images

Some drug material

Sexual content

Language

-Presenters-

David, Ian, and Dylan

-Budget-

N/A

-Gross-

$92,748

(ish)

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Suck (2009) - October 28, 2016

-Starring: Rob Stefaniuk, Jessica Paré, and Malcolm McDowell-

For the fifth episode of Season 3, we watch another damn vampire film. At least this one comes out on Halloween weekend, so it makes a little more sense. Suck is a low-budget horror-musical in the vein of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, or so I've read online. Turns out it's not the worst thing ever, and it does feature quite a few people from the music scene, like Alice Cooper, Iggy Pop, Dimitri Coats, and Moby (in his best role ever). If you too would like to see what kind of a movie that casting makes, buy it here.

Reached by virtue of following Malcom McDowell from Vamps

Suck (2009)

Metascore

N/A

Vampire violence

Gore

Language

Drug material

-Presenters-

David, Ian, and Dylan

& Guest Matt

-Budget-

$3.5 million (CAD)

-Gross-

$1,167?

(really unsure)

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Postal (2007) - November 4, 2016

-Starring: Zack Ward, Dave Foley, Chris Coppola, Jackie Tohn, J.K. Simmons, Verne Troyer, Larry Thomas, David Huddleston, and Seymour Cassel-

For the sixth episode of Season 3, we behold the 2007 video game adapted thing that is Uwe Boll's Postal. Which is neat, cause we picked the movie before he announced that he would no longer be making bad movies. Okay, he just said movies, but they were all bad. That said, from an adaptation point of view, this is definitely the closest he ever came to capturing the spirit of the property he paid for the film rights of. Buy it here if jokes about 9/11 don't greatly offend you.

Reached by virtue of following Dave Foley from Suck

Postal (2007)

Metascore

22

Extremely crude humor throughout

Strong sexuality

Graphic nudity

Violence

Pervasive language

Some drug use

-Budget-

$15 million

-Gross-

$146,741

(theater boycott)

-Presenters-

David, Ian, and Dylan

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Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010) - November 11, 2016

-Starring: Chris O'Donnell and Jack McBrayer-

For the seventh episode of Season 3, we go back to our Season 1 roots and throw in a PG movie featuring talking animals doing spy-things. How it this a genre? Last time we did G-Force, but that made too much sense on its own, so this time we're going with a sequel to a movie that we haven't seen, probably. Honestly the first one came out in 2001 and none of us remember. Four of the five previous movies we watched were hard-R's, but this is PG. We should be heroes to you. Buy it here if animals being spys reeeeeeeally does it for you.

Reached by virtue of following J. K. Simmons from Postal

Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010)

Metascore

30

Animal Action

Humor

-Presenters-

David, Brett, Ian, and Dylan

-Budget-

$85 million

-Gross-

$112,483,764

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Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006) - November 18, 2016

-Starring: Larry the Cable Guy-

For the eighth episode of Season 3, we go to a dark time in American history, back when the Blue Collar Comedy Tour gave Larry the Cable Guy more fame than he could ever possibly deserve. I would like to pose an open question to any executive who gave this movie the thumbs up: Why? I suppose it was just for the star-power money, which is fair cause it didn't make any in the end. Jokes on them and I hope they were fired. Buy it here if... if... wow, I can't even think of a contrived reason for anyone to buy this movie. Just don't.

Reached by virtue of following J. K. Simmons from Postal

Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006)

Metascore

21

Crude and Sexual content

Language

-Presenters-

David, Ian, and Dylan

-Budget-

$17 million

-Gross-

$15,680,099

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Spawn (1997) - November 25, 2016

-Starring: Michael Jai White, John Leguizamo, and Martin Sheen-

For the ninth episode of Season 3, we go straight to Hell, which ironically has much better films than last week's travesty. Yes, we are watching 1997's special effects extravaganza; Spawn! I am well aware that by every available metric this is not a great movie, nor was it a particularly successful one, but there is no way I will ever admit to it being nearly on the same plane of badness as last weeks fare. Don't get me wrong though, there's still plenty to dislike. But if you too like to look on the bright side of life, buy Spawn here!

Reached by virtue of following Michael Papajohn from Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector

Spawn (1997)

Metascore

34

Thematic elements:

The demonic underworld

Violence

Intense fantasy action

Crude humor

-Budget-

$40 million

-Gross-

$87,840,042

-Presenters-

David, Brett, Ian, and Dylan

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Cops and Robbersons (1994) - December 2, 2016

-Starring: Chevy Chase, Jack Palance, Dianne Wiest, and Robert Davi-

For the tenth episode of Season 3, we watch that 1994 failure of a stake-out film, Cops and Robbersons. Now, I know that Chevy Chase hasn't always had the best luck with films, sure he's had some good one's, those are the only one's people remember, but for every Caddyshack there's a Caddyshack 2, as they say. Or maybe not. Does anyone say that? I know I will now. Anyway, it's not really a good movie, or so I've heard, I've never seen it. Whatever. If you've never seen it either and don't know better, buy it here.

Reached by virtue of following Miko Hughes from Spawn

Cops and Robbersons (1994)

Metascore

N/A

Mild Violence

Language

Some comic nudity

-Presenters-

David, Ian, Dylan, and John

& Guest: Adam

-Budget-

N/A

-Gross-

$11,391,093

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An American Carol (2008) - December 9, 2016

-Starring: Kevin Farley and lots of other people, seriously-

For the eleventh episode of Season 3, I wish we were watching Striptease like David nearly went with, three-hour runtime be damned. Instead, we're watching a 2008 right-wing comedy take on Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol", but during the 4th of July. I'm sure Dickens would appreciate that. Now, I'm all for modern re-tellings of the classics, Scrooged was much better, even if 68% on Rottentomatoes.com doesn't seem like much, but this got 11%. If you have relatives you hate, buy them this for Christmas.

Reached by virtue of following Robert Davi from Cops and Robbersons

An American Carol (2008)

Metascore

20

Rude and irreverent content

Language

Brief drug material

-Presenters-

David, Ian, Dylan, and John

-Budget-

$20 million

-Gross-

$7,013,191

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Water World (1995) - December 16, 2016

-Starring: Kevin Costner and Dennis Hopper-

For the twelfth episode of Season 3, we finally make our way to that 1995 splash-hit Waterworld! You see what I did there? "Splash-hit"? Yeah, okay, I'll let it go. Anyway, this was like one of those classic "season 1-esque" movies to go with, so we had a lot more fun watching it than, say, that trash we watched last week. Don't get me wrong though, we're still fully aware that this movie is bad, we wouldn't have picked it otherwise. In any case, if you really like Costner films, and not just the baseball ones, buy this here!

Reached by virtue of following Dennis Hopper from An American Carol

Waterworld (1995)

Metascore

56

Some intense scenes of action violence

Brief nudity

Language

-Budget-

$175 million

-Gross-

$264,218,220

-Presenters-

David, Ian, and Dylan

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The Postman (1997) - January 13, 2017

-Starring: Kevin Costner-

For the thirteenth episode of Season 3, we follow Kevin Costner to 1997's 3-hour post-apocalyptic epic that is "The Postman"! Two years after Waterworld and Costner's back in a post-apocalyptic world, but at least there's not nearly so much water this time around. In another change, we also know when it takes place; 2013 as luck would have it. Turns out the apocalypse was in 1998 and none of us noticed. Fancy that. Well, if you really like Kevin Costner, especially in his post-apocalyptic films, then buy this here!

Reached by virtue of following Kevin Costner from Waterworld

The Postman (1997)

Metascore

29

Violence

Some sexuality

-Presenters-

David, Brett, Ian, Dylan, and John

-Budget-

$80 million

-Gross-

$20,841,123

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X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) - January 20, 2017

-Starring: Hugh Jackman and Damn near everybody else-

For the fourteenth, and final, episode of Season 3, we follow Olivia Williams to 2006's Ratner-fuled mess that is X-Men: The Last Stand. Bryan Singer made a beautiful set with X2, but Brett Ratner didn't even know how to play volleyball. I hope you do, though, or that reference will make no sense. In any case, Ratner had the writers pull random things from the X-Men comics to make sure the fans would be happy. It didn't really work that way. I'm glad it was retconned by Days of Future Past. Buy it here if you must.

Reached by virtue of following Olivia Williams from The Postman

X-Men The Last Stand (2006)

Metascore

58

Intense sequences of action violence

Some sexual content

Language

-Presenters-

David, Ian, and Dylan

-Budget-

$210 million

-Gross-

$459,359,555

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Post-Season Episode - February 10, 2017

-Starring: Just us Presenters-

It's that time again, friends, for David, Ian, and Dylan to go over all the films they watched this season (not including "Special" episodes like Christmas or our Anniversary). Yes, we take our dear sweet time and really think through which movies were really bad and which ones deserve another shot. It really only takes like 35 minutes though... Anyhow, we really thank you all for putting up with us for another season, and we hope to see you again next season. Which starts next week, so you really don't have to wait long.

Reached by virtue of finishing this Timeline. On to the next one!

X-Men The Last Stand (2006)

Well, thank you for clicking through to find out what could possibly be on this page. Well, the answer is: a meaningless note and some information that was also on the previous page.

You're welcome.

-Presenters-

David, Ian, and Dylan

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